Sunday, July 19, 2015
… I've been twenty-five years old for 20 days and I am not that woman.
I’m not sure I’d even call myself a grownup. Responsibility is not as glamorous as I made it out be in my 8 year old head. I've danced in my kitchen, I’m sure at some point in my life but it was more accurately my parent’s kitchen - not yet my own. I read my Bible but not as often as I should and I’ve never read it with my husband.
Instead I have a crazy laugh I love and a crooked smile I’m embarrassed about. I’m still growing up and I hear it’s never good to accomplish that fully. I love where I am right now because no one else will ever think my thoughts the same way and no one will ever see the world the way I see it and I’m honored to be allowed to live this life.
Today I am grateful for The Lord’s grace. Tomorrow I will try to be grateful again. I won’t give up on becoming more like Him and I will do my best to create a life He is proud of. A life I am proud of.
My life - I live for Him - I’m aware it doesn't always appear that way - please do not assume I don’t know that I fail in almost every way - it breaks my heart - but I won’t let it keep me down. I trust Jesus with this heart of mine and I am confident in His ability to heal.
Some days I don’t know if I’m happy but I know I could be a lot sadder
Though my life is different than I imagined it would be - I’m content today, in this hour and that I think is the goal. To enjoy where you are because in a few moments you won’t ever be here again. Never can you re-live a moment. Never can you go back. Never can you choose the past over the present. And that is beautiful and unique and terrifying all at once.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Writing has always helped me sift through the thoughts I have bouncing around in my head. When my heart feels heavy I lighten the load by writing it all down. This year I want to dedicate more time to writing... to making my heart lighter and happier. I have a few prayers for this blog as well.
Prayers for my readers
I pray that you will be blessed by what you read here.
I pray you will learn from my mistakes and more importantly from God's triumphs in my life.
I pray you will feel safe to ask questions... and share your thoughts if you have that sweaty palm, racing heart kind of moment when you know you have something to say.
I pray most of all, that each of you will come to know Christ Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
A couple of years ago I spent a hellish summer in Romania. I remember it was raining hard and extremely windy (a favorite kind of day). The five of us spent the day inside our apartment. Natalie, glassy eyed and red nosed, passed the kindle to me. "Here, you can read it next." (Umm... I am crying enough all on my own without a cancer book to help my tears make their way down my cheeks, thanks). I passed on reading it. I knew it would be great. I knew I would love it. I also knew that it would break my heart. I saw the misery and swollen eyes this book was leaving in its wake. Nope, not me. My heart was already a broken, painful heap of emotions that demanded their own life rather than borrowing on another (fictional or not)'s pain.
So here I am, finally reading it. I'm only 38% done (ughh....don't you hate that?!) Freakin %'s I'm reading it on the Kindle app on my phone, logged into Nat's account. I feel like a traitor every time I use my Kindle. My love for books has only grown but my wallet has not. Borrowing books when I can, no matter the form is sometimes necessary.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Sometimes God leads me to giant potholes. It's dark and He is my source of light. Taking each step forward is me choosing to trust Him. Then we reach an edge.
||| edge? Where did this come from? I thought we agreed God, to live the straight and narrow not the dangerous unknown of scary edges. Edges imply cliffs which = falling. I remember the discussion when I asked you to be Lord of my Life, I do... straight and narrow, walk side by side, fighting crime, you know the normal conversations we all have with Jesus. But this! I do not remember ever agreeing to scary cliffs in the dark.
And then He is silent! He hasn't left me of course, He just isn't talking. It's like He is waiting for me to stop freaking out and continue forward, trusting that He knows what's best for me.
The thing about God is that He is always right. He is good and is never going to lead us off a cliff. People, even those closest to you fail and/or disappoint you somewhere along the line. Not to hurt you but because we are flawed. But Jesus doesn't disappoint. He just doesn't. He may not work in your timing but He is God. He doesn't have to follow your timeline. Yours is flawed, as is mine. He sees what is ahead for all of us. Sometimes it helps me to remember that God prepares us for what's ahead.
If you were going to run a marathon or fight in a boxing match. Wouldn't your trainer put you through pain, discomfort and exhaustion? Wouldn't you feel beaten down and want to give up? But eventually you feel stronger and you can run longer, and you're not as tired.. Your prepared for the race/the fight. We can't know what we will have to face in the future. Life is really hard sometimes and God is doing what is necessary to prepare us.
The same goes for this edge...turns out it's not a cliff its a pothole. It's a part of the journey. We faithfully step off the edge and touch the bottom almost instantly. Now, the reason for this pothole may be different for everyone however stepping up out of it is pretty much the same.
Depending on how long I stay in this pothole - how long it takes me to get over myself and learn whatever it is God is teaching me - results in how difficult it is to get out of it. Every day I live...I walk with Jesus. If I am in a pothole than all I am doing is walking in circles. My constant circling causes the hole to erode away little at a time. I've realized that if I cling to God and seek His guidance right away (ALWAYS) then my time in this pothole is short and stepping out of it is fairly easy. It's when I try to find my own way out I get deeper into the ground. Soon this small step to get out turns into a wall that seems impossible to climb. And even then, (since I have been there way more often than not) the only way to get out is by turning to The Lord and asking Him to help me.
*3. A point in life that requires God's assistance in order to get out and keep going.
After reading the book of James through a couple times, we see that the letter is addressed, "to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations" (James 1:1). James, the author is considered to be the brother of Jesus. This being the case, the recipients would recognize James as the Head of the Jerusalem Church. First he was a brother who did not believe Jesus to be the messiah (John 7:2-5) then being one of the men whom Jesus appeared to after the resurrection (1st Corinthians 15:3-8) and ultimately becoming a devout follower of Christ and a leader of the church. James writes to the church body as a whole rather than a specific city or congregation. The church at that time was mainly, if not completely, made up of Jewish believers. Reading through James it is evident that our authors purpose is to offer encouragement as well as warning. He seems to clarify and emphasize the importance of works accompanying faith. Faith is the foundation of our walk with Christ, however what is faith without action to demonstrate the Lord's calling on our lives- that we are to be set apart? (Romans 1:1) We see here the importance of action in carrying out the gospel message as well as restraining our tongues in order to bring glory to God. The church is experiencing trials and James encourages them to keep faith in The Lord and to trust that God is working in them patience and testing that their faith in Christ is genuine. He also writes in James 4:14, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes," in hopes that we will remain humble. James is expressing the duality that we alone are insignificant without Christ but we must remain mindful that our spirit is also eternal.